a classic photo of a hypomanic Pauly gesture, not your average Buddhist pose...
The other day, my friend J. asked me what a hypomanic (HM) episode was like. I told her it was different for everyone with the “condition” and for some people, contrary to the stereotype, a MH state could be filled with anxiety, anger and intense impatience. This isn’t the case for me though; I tend to be able to enjoy my HM periods immensely much to the annoyance of my family.
To put it in a poetic way, my HM is like incandescent energy emanating from my brain and body that illuminates everyone and everything around me. It’s akin to the energy of the sun exiting my third eye and invigorating all material molecules within a 100-yard radius. In other words, it can be a damn good time
I wouldn’t describe my HM as an episode unless you can imagine an episode lasting for weeks to a few months on end. At this point in my life, I can harness my HM energy for creative endeavors and living life to the fullest. Since I don’t party anymore, my thirst for excessive entertainment is mostly quelled (though the temptation is always around when I’m flying high). I also get a bit randy as Austin Powers would put it, but since I have strong morals, I avoid trouble (mostly).
The best way to conceptualize HM for you strangers to the “force” is to imagine you’re seven on the night before your eighth birthday. Remember that intense excitement and impatience the eve of your special day and the sleeplessness that might have accompanied your elation. Your birthday arrives, you see a stack of presents, you smell cake and your adrenaline is through the roof.
This is a bit what it’s like to feel fully HM in my world only it doesn’t require a sweet event like my birthday or any other occasion. I get to enjoy this sort of euphoria for no obvious reason. Usually, it’s seasonal and come spring, I am visited by the manic fairy and with a wave of her hypomanic wand, voila! I’m once again launched into my own personal elation stratosphere.
Sadly, the ride isn’t free and I have caused some worry and stress for my mother and my ex-girlfriends and wives (yes, I’ve been married 2x) as well. My HM probably contributed to my first divorce though there were certainly other factors involved. I know that I drove my second wife Alana nuts and when I would babble incessantly around my mom or stepdad, they’d have some worried looks on their faces. I’m sure calling my brother Greg in Spain in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep alternately entertained and freaked him out a bit.
More on this topic later….